I’m sure many of you know by now that I like to write out “fake” letters to the ones that I can’t stand the most. In other words, my exes get a personal, very hateful, or telling letter from me…except they never get it. It’s a good tool to use, actually. If you want to blow off some steam (apart from writing on a blog), it sometimes feels GREAT to hit that ‘Send’ button, knowing that no one will read it on the other end. You get the satisfaction by tricking your brain into thinking that the other person has read it, when you don’t have to deal with the burning of bridges that it may cause. I highly recommend it. Anyways, I am including, in this post, a modified version of the letter I wrote tonight to my most recent ex-boyfriend. Enjoy!
I would be lying to you if I said that I haven’t thought about you at all these past couple of weeks. I have thought about you a fair amount, actually. About how you look, where you come from, who you are. Then, I thought about what you did, what we did, what we didn’t do, and what we never got to do. How all of the things that we did do now seem…pointless. Meaningless, even. I’ve cried, I’ve laughed, I’ve gone through several fits of rage in which I have lulled myself with a good episode of Grey’s Anatomy and a reasonable sized glass of wine. I think that I have gone through each and every emotion that exists on this planet.
I’ve realized something, however. I don’t think any of those emotions, at the core, really have anything to do with you. Nope. Because when I think about us, what we meant to each other…I don’t feel sad. I don’t care, to be brutally honest. You were just a filler, a rebound, maybe. Or even something to distract me from my real issues. Because, believe me, I had real issues…and to some extent…still do have real issues.
You see, there was a lot that I never told you about me. I never got into any of my past “relationships”, simply because…you never asked. That’s a problem, right there. Why did you never ask? I heard plenty about your psychotic ex-girlfriend, and some about who else you had dated. I could even list the girls that you were involved with. Then there’s your “best friend”, who conveniently happens to be the most feminine girl I have ever met in my life. Oh, you say she is merely a friend…but I’m not a stupid girl. I know who she is. She is nice to your face, but then the first time she likes to play Call of Duty or go to the bar to ‘throw one back with the guys’, she’s the coolest girl in the entire world. She is the girl that no girlfriend wants around.
As I was saying…my past “relationships”. Now that’s the thing – I didn’t ever have relationships, as you may call them, but they were still guys who were a big deal to me in my life. Not once did you ever care to know about. Had you had asked about them, you would have known that I never could have been in love with you. We never would have made it there…because I am already in love with someone from my past. I can’t get over him and that’s why I am writing this letter.
In many ways, this break up came at just the right time. In other ways, I should hate you in a million ways. Don’t get me wrong, I do hate you. There aren’t enough words to describe how I feel about you right now. I can’t stand to look at your face. I can’t stand to think about all the false and untrue things you said to me. I can’t bear the thought that you actually said you loved me. Clearly you don’t value the meaning of the word…because you, sir, do not love me. You never did love me. You do not turn on the ones you love and you turned on me in a major way. You blind sighted me. It was out of nowhere.
So thank you. Thank you for breaking my heart. Because had you not broken my heart, I would not have come to the realization that you are a complete ass. If you asked me a month ago, what your flaws were? My list would be tiny, minuscule, and I probably would not have answered. If you ask me now? I could go on all night. I have compiled this imaginary list in my brain, and Sparky, I could go on forever.
I hope you make her happy…you know who I am talking about. At this point, it’s your best friend, or the psychotic ex-girlfriend. Good luck sweetheart because I am better than both of them.
Now, some of that may be harsh…but the truth hurts, right? Now you know why I don’t actually send the letters….