simpler times.

I want to go back to the days where all I had on my daily agenda was playing on the front lawn with my baby sister, eating a crust-less PB&J sandwich and then watching television with my mother all afternoon, give or take a trip to the mall. My life back then, from what I can remember, was so simple. It wasn’t consumed with pointless and petty drama, boys, or career choice. There were no job applications, college essays or timetables that needed to be worked out. Everything now is so complicated. I feel like life is swallowing me up, leaving me anticipating being spit out any day now. I can’t handle all the pressure and the worrying if I am going to make it here. It’s getting to me and I have no solution. 

I feel like back then, in those simpler times, I was able to do anything I wanted. It was acceptable to call my mother ‘mommy’ without getting weird looks. It was a time where I ran away from boys who chased me around the play yard. It was a time where the worst thing that could happen with a friend was that she took your purple crayon that you wanted to use. When did those issues transform into such magnified and complicated problems that I don’t know how to solve? Life has happened and I feel like it is breezing by way too fast. 

Everyone is okay with their life and then there is me. Standing in this mess of papers, job hunting and meaningless hookups. I’m screaming but no one can hear me. I would even take high school again over this life I have now – and that says something. I just want those simpler, kindergarten moments back. I want my life to be figured out for me, someone to cut the crusts off my sandwiches and pour me a glass of ice, cold milk. 

But that isn’t going to happen. Man, it sucks to be a grown up. 

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