From a very young age, I was exposed to love. I received love from my parents, grandparents, siblings, family friends and everyone who was significant in my life. I was taught how to love and appreciate others – no matter what they did. I grew into an accepting and kind human being, all due to the love that existed in my childhood and throughout my life. As I grew into my adolescence, my perspective began to change. My heart was broken a few times and a few more times after that, tainting my view of relationships and love in general. I have seen the concept of love treated in an extremely arbitrary and casual way. The word lost its meaning throughout my high school years. I became confused as to what love truly was. It was not foreign to me, the concept of loving relatives and people who were close to me. However, when it came to being in love, I didn’t understand. I was surrounded by couples in the hallways, claiming their love for each other, when I didn’t even know what being in love was. I knew my parents were in love and have been since they met.
Due to all my confusion, feelings and hormones, I started to doubt love. What was it? Does it even exist? How do you measure love? All of these questions clouded my brain, which eventually lead to me questioning my identity. If love does exist, why haven’t I found someone to fall in love with. Although I was young, my brain thought as if it were in it’s late twenties. I had never been in love and had never come close…to being totally and completely in love. Near the end of high school, a few relationships sparked between me and a select few. It became harder to know what love was, because I had never been in it. I couldn’t measure how to love somebody without thinking too hard about it. There were boys that I was head over heels for, physically attracted to and claimed to be “die hard, in love with” …but was it real? Probably not.
A few years later, moving on from high school into the world of college, it is still difficult to grasp this concept. Not specifically being in love, but considering that “the one” for me is out there, walking around in the world. It is a scary thought and I don’t know if I technically agree with the notion. Is there only one person for you? Can you find love in many places? I believe that you can. I am not a supporter of “soul mates” strictly because it limits your destiny to one person. I think that is absurd, when we are living in a world that has six billion people. As I get older, I am beginning to realize that people meet in the most abstract ways in which you don’t need an online dating app to secure your happiness for the rest of your life. Get out there, meet people, go to pubs, sporting events, the gym, join a club. Now, as a disclaimer…please note that I have not been successful in meeting “the one” at any one of these places. I have not met him yet, but I strongly believe that I will meet him someday. But there may be multiple “ones” for me, and that is totally fine with me.
Looking for him has been on my mind lately. I have been picturing my future, even though I am only 19, the future scares me. I like to have everything laid out in front of me – who doesn’t? (A lot of people probably…) Those are my deep thoughts for the night. As I sit in my living room at 12:30 AM, half finished diet coke, with a million tabs open, I am diving into the waters of destiny.