This week has probably been the longest week of my entire life. Not only do I have to deal with the bullshit of my ex boyfrirend, but I also have to try and focus on finals that I have this weekend. Not fun. I am trying really hard to act like a badass during this break up – not cry, look my best and work out as much as possible…but it’s not really working. I keep thinking about him – everything reminds me of him. I’ll be walking down the street, stop to cross at a street corner and remember ‘Oh yeah, this is where we stopped to talk when we had coffee on our second date’. Or picking out what I want to wear and remember that ‘I wore this on our first date’, ‘I wore this on our second date’ and so on.
It sucks. I feel numb and have felt numb for the past week. I cry less, but I get more angry and I can feel my friends getting tired of it. I feel like they are screaming ‘you only dated him for a month’ at me or ‘grow up, this is pathetic’. I know this because I am saying it to myself. I feel that too. I only dated him for A MONTH, That is NOTHING compared to some people. But probably many of you can agree that when you form a strong connection with somebody, a month feels like a year. When you see them all the time and talk to them everyday, you get to know EVERYTHING about them and when that just stops hard in the sand…it is hard.
I have kind of been throwing myself a pity party for the past week (even on my birthday which was yesterday…’It’s my birthday and I’ll cry if I want to?’) so I thought that I would write out what I am feeling, including all of the things that went wrong or I didn’t like. The negatives if you will. Here it goes…
#1: Ex-girlfriend (who is crazy, stalker-ish, and completely psychotic)
Okay, this is first because it is a big one. My ex, before me (this year, in fact) dated this girl. They had dated in high school and were kind of co-existing with each other for a while. They ended up dating for just over a year. He was treated like crap (according to him) for the duration of their relationship. He finally ended it with her when he speculated that she was cheating on him (never actually proved). Now how is she a psycho, you ask? Well, about a week or two into our relationship, she decided to have her friend go on my Instagram and comment crude, rude and plain mean things on my pictures that I had posted of him and I. I have never been bullied really in my life, until that point. It was ridiculous. It was immature, it was pathetic and outright embarrassing on her part. I have never met someone so shallow – and I was in high school.
So I guess this is a bullet dodged. She didn’t bother me after my ex told her to stop. However, I feel like a girl like this would not completely stop. If she is willing to do it the first time, she isn’t going to stop at someone telling her not to do it. So I am pretty glad I am rid of this crazy girl. (Note to self: Do not date anymore guys with psycho ex’s…not worth it)
#2: ‘Coverage’ and how he pronounced other words
This may be a low blow and kind of shallow to state here, but I have to say it. This guy ALWAYS pronounced things wrong. This is a pet peeve of mine – when people use phrases that aren’t phrases, or pronounce words incorrectly. What is coverage you ask? Well to me, that word means that you were able to cover your rash with the ointment described. Or the coverage on staff at the state fair. So how did he use it? You know when you go out to the bars, or go downtown to club and there is a cover? Well, in his world, that is called a coverage. In other words, “How much is coverage tonight?”
Sounds shallow, I know. Maybe he was raised that way? Maybe all of his friends call it that? Cover is short term for coverage you know… I KNOW. People have told me this over and over, but I just can’t get past that. It is called a cover. You pay 20$ to get into the club for the night, you’re covered. That drove me crazy.
#3: The “Girl” Best Friend
People have tried to tell me before that a girl and a guy can be best friends, without any relationship or feelings or whatever comes along. I am here to tell you that that is not true. I have yet to come across a male-female best friend relationship that doesn’t end in feelings or tears. Mine did. I thought that I could be friends with this guy I had known since high school. I thought that I could hear about his girl troubles and not want to either jump him, or marry him. I was SUPER WRONG. And eventually, everyone joins my opinion.
I get it, you guys aren’t attracted to each other. Now. Trust me, in the future, somebody will be feeling sad or lonely and the best friend will comfort and then BAM, you’ve slept with each other. Or you’ve kissed each other. Or you’ve said something that makes it awkward…like I love you. Try being friends after that…you can’t. Kind of like when my ex said that we could be friends. Umm…dude you have kissed me for an hour straight and touched my butt…we cannot be friends after that.
My ex has a friend. A best friend actually. Actually, if we are getting super real, he has TWO best friends who are girls. One of them, particularly, he spends a ton of time with and has known her since they were six. This all sounds real cute, until that girl feels super lonely one night or depressed about a guy who dumped her and my ex tries and makes her feel better. Next thing you know, they are kissing or making out and BAM. I am boyfriend-less. These are the kinds of situations that I use to think about when I was with him. If he told me he was hanging out with her or that she was coming out with him that night…that is exactly the scenario that played over and over in my head.
This was problematic and probably, eventually would have ended our relationship. Because, a) he would have cheated on me with her and I would have dumped his ass or b) it would have driven me mental, and caused me to not trust him regardless…which then he would have had to break up with me because no one wants their girlfriend to not trust them. Nice girl, but I couldn’t get the image of the two of them out of my head (to be honest, I still can’t).
There are many other negatives, I’m sure. And I’m sure that I will be able to come up with a book full in about a week after thinking about him even more. But these are the top ones for right now. Let’s cross our fingers that I can stay in this kind of mood so that I can focus on my LAST FINAL tonight (yay) and not cry, for the first day since Monday (5 days, people – yikes).
If any of you have any break up advice, please feel free to comment below. I could take anything I can get right now. It’s been a rough week.